I have had a few days where the bricks in my own bldg (read:world) seem to be crumbling. A friend on facebook told me today that it is probably just the mortar. I would like to think that is true. Relaying those bricks and remortaring... sounds hard, but it can be done.
When the really important things in my life are in order, like support and love from a good husband, happy and healthy children, a roof over my head, etcetera, etcetera, I feel incredibly ungrateful in my ingratitude. If that makes sense.
It's been a hard few days. The weight sometimes comes down and cracks up these building blocks. This is not a new topic here on my blog. I feel a bit overburdened with my school work, my calling. And in the next 2 months I have to make placements for my students for next year.
I don't want to overplay it, but these little kiddos are entrusted to me. I make decisions about where they go to class next year. A regular kindergarten? A self-contained unit? I spend months earning the trust of parents, and often call on that trust when a hard thing needs to be said. It can be terrific when there has been a load of progress made and the news is good. And it can be devastating when the news is to the contrary. I don't like the looks of disappointment. Last Thursday at parent/teacher conferences I cried three times. One time it was because I was relating something sweet I had observed in a little boy in my class. Genuine love and service to a classmate. The other two times I cried it was because parents approached me and said, "My child needs a special class next year doesn't he/she?" I had been prayerful about talking to these parents, and instead they talked to me. It was a tender moment for me, as I recognized my concerns had been answered.
I have the desire to do well and to do right. In all of these areas. I need inspiration. And sometimes I think the Lord may be getting really sick of my petitions.
But He keeps coming back with help and more mortar. So, though my bricks crumble, I have hope of being built back up. But the process can be sloppy and painful.