boys and bunnies

It was snowing yesterday and I was a little crabby about it, so as I sat in the Target parking lot before running in for a bridal shower gift I decided to lean my heated seat back, just calm down, and take a moment.

My mind started wandering about a little surprise gift I have been considering for my youngest son, who loves any living thing smaller than himself. Being as a baby is out of the question, a bunny seemed a viable option, especially with Easter coming up. Then I started to think about this young son of mine. He will be 13 in a couple of months. I wondered to myself if buying him a small little pet was a subconscious effort on my part to keep him young. Or worse, if I just felt the need to have something small to take care of.

The tears welled up as I was stretched out there in my little SUV. I quickly moved the seat back up and tried to get a grip on myself. This pre-menopausal stuff is a slippery slope. I can go from mad to nostalgic to sobbing all within 5 minutes. Oh, my poor family.

Then I thought of my older sons. Why am I so reluctant to let these younger ones grow up when I have been so pleased with my older boys? It has been fun to have older kids that are responsible adults. I actually love it. Why can't I release this death grip I seem to have on the last 2? Am I afraid of what life will be like later? Am I sad about fewer bear hugs? Yes on both counts, if I am being honest.

At the end of my pity party, I gathered myself, bought the bridal shower gift, and called on the little white bunny on the way home.

19 comments

mermaid gallery | April 11, 2011 at 7:19 AM

It makes sense to me...we mother our kids for a long time, and then when it's time for us to back off....we are not ready....and we rebel....menopause gets better...one day, it's just a distant memory too...until then, keep lots of kleenex handy and demand lots of bear hugs....

T | April 11, 2011 at 9:09 AM

you can never be too old for a little white bunny right?

I'm having a hard time letting go of certain about my children and their youth... other things (diapers, small stupid Barbie shoes...) I don't miss so much.

Judi | April 11, 2011 at 9:56 AM

I have been thinking about getting a rabbit for my boys!

LisAway | April 11, 2011 at 11:32 AM

Kazzy, I just love when you share things like this. I see such a parallel between where I am and where you are. Greg's parents are here and just today I was thinking that I want to be like them when I'm a grandparent, making the most of every moment spent with my grandchildren. Helping out wherever I can. I was thinking how nice it will be to do that as a break from whatever kid-free things my days will be filled with then. I thought, "I'm going to do my best to earn those days as a grandmother, and earn them well."

You are a great mom and I love reading your reflections on your sons and your role in their lives.

Lesa | April 11, 2011 at 1:24 PM

I read your words a couple times. We are both in the same boat...with several things. I have a son turning 13, one almost graduated from h.s. and a daughter (married with one girl) and my heart is breaking as she and her husband are moving to pharmacy school next month..far away. {tears}

This mothering thing takes a little bit of my heart every.single.day. but I want them to grow up.

Stacy | April 11, 2011 at 2:16 PM

My kids are much younger than yours, but I see a parallel as well. Very insightful. My oldest two are girls, and I'm constantly pushing them to be more grown up, to take on more responsibility for themselves and their actions and activities. But my little boys I may baby all the way to college...

Jenny | April 11, 2011 at 3:53 PM

Makes sense to me as well. I hold on so tight to my youngest. It is easy to let the older ones spread their wings to fly. But with the younger ones, I just want to clip their wings so they will still need me.

Heidi | April 11, 2011 at 6:32 PM

Why? Because once they're all grown, they're all grown. Game over. Not that the new phase in life doesn't have it's pleasures and joys but feeling sad about the ending of something is perfectly normal.

Joanie | April 11, 2011 at 7:18 PM

It is a mixed bag when your kids grow up. Happy for their independence, and missing them when they move out. But great to see them succeed.
A rabbit is a great gift since it is the Year of the Rabbit. I can actually say that in Chinese.

The Way I See It | April 11, 2011 at 7:51 PM

I always have a mixture of emotions when it comes to my kids and the present stage of life they're quickly moving through. There is so much to be happy about though isn't there? I can relate to the pre-menopausal emotion ride. Hang on!

Connie | April 11, 2011 at 8:24 PM

I still consider Jacob to be 14 years old! How about if we both let our youngest grow up? Good luck with the bunny. I'm sure he'll love it!

Garden of Egan | April 12, 2011 at 1:05 AM

You rock as a mom!

I sooooo know how you feel!

Becca | April 12, 2011 at 8:47 AM

When they're little, we're so invested physically - chasing them around, keeping them danger-free, nursing, feeding, changing, bathing, holding... all the time. As they grow, we find out attachment much less physical and so deeply emotional (not that it wasn't before, but the physical is so NECESSARY) that seeing it change is terrifying. And amazing. And hard. And fun. And sad. And wonderful.

MaggieJo | April 12, 2011 at 10:26 PM

I'm having a little something this summer and love help with the little ones. I don't know how busy you'll be, but if you want a few hours with a baby or a little person, let me know.

Charlotte | April 13, 2011 at 2:44 PM

My youngest is 4, but even now I look at him and am baffled with how grown up I thought is oldest sister was at that age. I can tell I'll always struggle with treating him younger than his siblings were treated at the same age.

wendy | April 14, 2011 at 7:41 PM

I have been falling down that slippery slope for some time now.

I totally get this post....it is incredibly hard to let the young ones go....cause it is kind of an end of our "mothering" as WE know it.
YET we are thrilled and proud to see them accomplish things and grow into adults.
but by letting them go...we are relinquishing some of our control
Letting them use there free agency to become the people we trained them up to be...hopefully.
It is a HARD transition.

Rachel Cotterill | April 17, 2011 at 4:55 PM

We got a hamster quite recently - small fluffy pets are fun for all ages of child! :)

Lara | April 17, 2011 at 8:03 PM

Isn't that why all of humanity spoils their youngest children? We want to keep them babies forever...while meanwhile we can't wait for the eldest child to grow up. It's so strange.

DeNae | April 18, 2011 at 1:25 AM

Is it hormonal? Because my daughter has been adding the kids' childhood pix to her Facebook and every time I see them I fall to pieces. Yet like you I am so proud of the adults my kids are becoming. So why the need for bunnies? Maybe what we really need is grandchildren. In due time, of course!