And I love the way that that knowledge does not make me feel like I can just slip all over and fix it later. Quite the contrary. I want to live up to the generosity of this gift. I want to choose well what I do.
Do you ever feel like you are being watched? Not in a stalker way, but in a "be careful. preserve yourself. you have some things to accomplish yet" kind of way? I have felt this way since I was a little girl. Some might call it inherent guilt or fear, but I knew God was watching me when my neighbor friends asked me to go sliding on the neighborhood pond when I was supposed to be on my way home. "Just tell your mom and dad you lost track of time."
OK, maybe I was a little guilt ridden. Maybe I was a chicken. But I like to think that even before I understood my relationship with Him I wanted to earn His trust. I already had enough flaws just from being human. Why would I willingly heap even more weight on His back while he later would climb that hill?
We can make the gospel as complicated as we want to, but the bottom line is that Jesus died for me. And you. He understands our pains, both the ones caused by ourselves and the ones caused by others. He loves us and wants us to be whole.
So I will take the bread and water tomorrow and remember that I am being watched, and I don't mind one little bit.
google image used with creative commons