things to accomplish yet
I love the idea that I can be saved from my sins. Saved from myself.
And I love the way that that knowledge does not make me feel like I can just slip all over and fix it later. Quite the contrary. I want to live up to the generosity of this gift. I want to choose well what I do.
Do you ever feel like you are being watched? Not in a stalker way, but in a "be careful. preserve yourself. you have some things to accomplish yet" kind of way? I have felt this way since I was a little girl. Some might call it inherent guilt or fear, but I knew God was watching me when my neighbor friends asked me to go sliding on the neighborhood pond when I was supposed to be on my way home. "Just tell your mom and dad you lost track of time."
OK, maybe I was a little guilt ridden. Maybe I was a chicken. But I like to think that even before I understood my relationship with Him I wanted to earn His trust. I already had enough flaws just from being human. Why would I willingly heap even more weight on His back while he later would climb that hill?
We can make the gospel as complicated as we want to, but the bottom line is that Jesus died for me. And you. He understands our pains, both the ones caused by ourselves and the ones caused by others. He loves us and wants us to be whole.
So I will take the bread and water tomorrow and remember that I am being watched, and I don't mind one little bit.
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17 comments
I totally get what you mean. I've always been a "good girl." I may be irreverent but I'm pretty conservative about a lot of things.
I know exactly what you mean. Every time I think deeply about Easter, I feel like a child - not a child eager for candy, but a child eyes-wide-open happy that someone loves me like that. It makes me want to do well, just like a child, and I don't ever want to grow out of that.
I love your statement, "Why would I willingly heap even more weight on His back while he later would climb that hill?" Beautifully said.
Happy Easter, my friend.
Happy Easter to you and yours.
Yes, His watchful eye can be felt especially if we are looking. I am especially thankful this day for His watchful eye that keeps me in line.
Happy Easter :)
I'm with Connie. That's what jumped out at me, too. So well said.
I remember vividly the day learned from our hometeacher that God could see me all the time -- even when I was hiding under my bed eating the candy I had stolen from my brother. I was mortified. And then I was grateful I wasn't yet eight years old. I can still conjure up that feeling of absolute shame that I had been caught -- even though I hadn't been caught, I just suddenly understood the implications of an omniscient and omnipresent God. I am grateful for that realization every day of my life.
Excellent post.
Yes, I get that feeling, too, at times, the "you have some things to accomplish yet" kind of thing. As if all my rushing and running will accomplish it? I took today, at least for a few minutes, and just listened.
Happy Easter, Kazzy!
I love the perspective you have shared here. That sense of accountability, of responsibility to honor the sacrifices that were made for me is big. And I'm glad it's big. It isn't guilt that I feel, but sacred obligation to do the very best I can. Loved this post, kazzy.
Can I just give you an "amen"?
Amen
I feel the same way. I love your words so beautifully describe how I feel.
Perfect words and thoughts, thank you, I love it!
Love the picture, and very meaningful prose. Happy Belated Easter.
I'm with Connie and Mel. I've always thought that the less I do wrong the less he had to suffer for me. It's a little backwards, but it still works for me! The whole thing is just amazing. Let's be good!
And it really is just that simple, isn't it?
Lovely.
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