menopausal roadkill

roadkill
yup. sometimes I am roadkill.
often i allow it.

when did i start letting my emotions get the better of me?  although I have always been a heart-on-her-sleeve kind of girl, it seems like I have this need to bubble right up to the surface lately.

such and such is starting to really get under my skin
or
time to be honest (cry cry cry).  i am unhappy with this situation...


not a bad thing, honesty.  but i am ragged out after all of those feelings leave my body, sometimes like a slow leak, but lately more like an all out explosion.

this premenopausal state is a tough place to live in.  

on the way home from dinner with my husband tonight, i had a total flashback to our first few dates.  we were byu students.  it was Fall.  25 years ago.  it was like i could smell football and leaves and apples and all of the other symbols of the season.

and even though i was jamming to some loud moroccan music as i reminisced, the little spicy tears welled up.

courage, kazzy.  courage.  it will all be over in a few years.



15 comments

charrette | September 28, 2011 at 11:09 PM

Yes, I'm convinced perimenopause is akin to Einstein's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing and expecting the same results but something entirely wacko happens.

Last night? I forgot I was hosting my book group. Until they showed up on my front porch. Awesome!

I hope my brain and my body recover someday, and I'm left with just a shred of dignity. :)

xoxo

Grzesiek i Lisa Pawlik | September 29, 2011 at 12:52 AM

Like pregnancy, only longer!! Woohooooo! Sorry, Kazz!

Momza | September 29, 2011 at 6:35 AM

I'm right there with you. Love what Charrette said...when the dust settles, I hope I'm sane.

JennyLynn | September 29, 2011 at 6:44 AM

I am in the same position right now. I am sure we will survive.

Becca | September 29, 2011 at 7:01 AM

But you know how there's something endearing about a friend who will let the tears well up? Even better when they HAVE to.

Faith, Trust, and a Little Pixie Dust | September 29, 2011 at 7:35 AM

I love your writing. This reminded me of a time when I was crying {for no real reason - but it sure felt good} & my Hunny said, "You're acting like a girl". :D

Warmly, Michelle

Lesa | September 29, 2011 at 8:10 AM

ditto.

Ann Marie | September 29, 2011 at 9:09 AM

What??? Your too young!
Seriously.. I keep thinking you are 39.

I do not look forward to this glorious stage... do not.

Kristina P. | September 29, 2011 at 9:10 AM

Better or worse than our little monthly friend?

Garden of Egan | September 29, 2011 at 9:26 AM

Yikes. Very descriptive.
Very true.

Hope you are able to ride the wave in style! Pretty sure you rock.

mermaid gallery | September 29, 2011 at 7:31 PM

it's going to be a rough ride...but it gets so much better...it's like wisdom prevails when your hormones stop raging....then we get calm and wise....not long now...just a few long years!

Laura@livingabigstory | September 30, 2011 at 6:52 AM

I so dread menopause, although I'm beginning to wonder if all the emotions and forgetfulness may be indicating it's already approaching. I'm sorry, my new friend.

Grumpy Grateful Mom | September 30, 2011 at 8:28 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this--I hear this is a such a miserable thing.

Sending a prayer for you tonight.

wendy | October 3, 2011 at 7:52 PM

ha ha...sorry, I don't mean to laugh, it's just I HEAR YA loud and clear.
been there....STILL doing that.
It is a hard time for us women.
Kinda seems like a cruel trick.
so after the tears
the fits of "what's going on here"
the sense of anxiousness

we juat have to Ha ha ha ha

Bonnie | October 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM

Had to laugh. Good grief. I had a condition after the twins were born (when I was 33) that dumped me into perimenopause, where I've been ever since. My body is still of two minds which world it wants to live in. I've given up on it deciding.