day seventy-nine: fair is fair

Seek first to understand,then to be understood.

I have been spoiled by a good husband.  From our very first date he has been a listener, and we have been talking and listening to each other for 23 years now.

I love meeting people and caring about them, and I actually think I am decent at it.  However, I have made a recent rule of looking for and keeping in contact with friends that live by the rule at the top of this page. 

If it's all about them, no good.  If it's all about me, no good.  But a little back and forth, that works.

Just sayin'. 

ps  I miss my sister.  :)

13 comments

Lanie | November 5, 2009 at 11:11 PM

she misses you too...we all miss you.

wendy | November 5, 2009 at 11:28 PM

That is so true . We need to listen to people....and when I talk, I want to be listened to.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME.

and it is good for families to stick together ---(I love my sis too and I miss my kids and grandkids)

and thank goodness we aren't drinking curdled milk

Kazzy | November 6, 2009 at 12:04 AM

Lanie- give her a hug for me!

Wendy- I bet you do miss your kids and grandkids. Sorry...

Connie | November 6, 2009 at 6:39 AM

Nothing worse than spilling your heart out to someone, only to find the glazed look in their eyes! Maybe that's just a sign they're thinking about what I'm saying.
Seeing the first two comments and realizing they're from mothers who live far away from their children, tug at the heart strings.

Lara | November 6, 2009 at 6:56 AM

It is so hard to find a friend who is an excellent listener and knows how to balance the understanding/being understood formula. But whenever I find one, I know I have struck gold!

Kazzy | November 6, 2009 at 8:31 AM

So true, Lara. I compared it last night to either getting a stocking full of things from the dollar store, or getting two or three more valuable gifts. I don't need the emotional clutter!

Heather of the EO | November 6, 2009 at 9:11 AM

It took me a long time to start to realize I needed to be more careful in choosing my friends. I'm still learning, but this is definitely as aspect of it that really matters to me too.

Barbaloot | November 6, 2009 at 9:19 AM

I have a hard time being the one that talks...I'm better at just listening.

Juliana | November 6, 2009 at 11:04 AM

I think this is a great rule to live by. I was recently rejected by somebody who I thought was a dear friend...until I left a little space, waiting for her to contact me or say hello or show she cares. Since then, I have heard nada and I'm realizing that our friendship was far more one-sided than I believed. It's been a very painful experience and it makes me all the more grateful for friends like YOU!

Kimberly | November 6, 2009 at 11:21 AM

Love that line. I've been working on making that change in my own thinking. Self-involvement used to be an art form with me and it's a struggle to get beyond that.

My favourite friendships are the give and take ones though, and that has taught and encouraged me to learn how to give.

Beautifully put as always.

Luann | November 6, 2009 at 11:36 AM

I love the dollar store analogy. I've never been one to crave a lot of "dollar store friends".

All of us need to serve and to allow ourselves to be served. A true friend is one that will help us meet both of those needs. Kazzy, you have always been that for me. You are Tiffany & Co all the way through. A treasure.

Jenny | November 6, 2009 at 4:35 PM

I am with you on this. There is nothing worse than trying to share with someone who is not really listening. For the most part I find that it is hard to get to know people when we are talking over each other.Because we all want to be understood. Guess that is why I love blogging so much. It is a give and take with most bloggers. I have been working on being a better listener.

Eowyn | November 9, 2009 at 8:40 AM

Love it! I get frustrated by the "all about me"s of the world.

Now I miss my sisters too.