tasting with my eyes

Colors mean something, and I am not just talking about the way red symbolizes anger or blue calm. I can taste them. Really.
Colors in a room.
Colors on a plate.
Colors in clothing.

I would get nauseous during my first pregnancy when there were two clashing shades of green side by side. I have never heard of anyone else that had this happen before. I had to really be careful with sunglasses I wore. Too much of a tint one way or another could send me running to the bathroom.

My bedroom walls are curry. My master bathroom is pomegranate. Butter in the hallways. Deep eggplant on my bed. Metal squares of patina surrounding my dining room mirror.

The balance of vibrancy and clean angles with minimal distraction. Again, in a room. On a plate. In clothing. This is the yummy challenge.
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My zoozle

I took this picture of myself in a dressing room today with the intention of sending it to my husband with the caption, "I like having my zoozle back."

Cjane recently posted about her zoozle, and I have been thinking about the tangible and intangible nature of it. My zoozle was rediscovered after my 27-lb weight loss churned with my age and experience. But it is more than a straight shot of confidence. I am a bit more powerful. I am a bit more daring. I am truer. I am stronger. I am me. I like how this zoozle is playing out.

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mr. burton, take down that wall

There has been an 11-year tradition in this house where my sons build a wall at the bottom of the basement steps on Christmas eve. They use someone's mattress, and whatever else might be necessary to secure it, and they build it up nice and strong and tall.

Then, on Christmas morning, it Is not uncommon to find one of them sleeping right there, behind the wall. This morning I peeked over the banister to see #4 anxiously awaiting the arrival of Perry and Mindy, coming for the day. He was fidgety and impatient, and even a little crabby. After all, he knew there was a shiny new iPod touch waiting for him somewhere under the tree, and he was ready to do some unwrapping.

Sometimes I build walls. I build them to protect myself or to protect other people FROM me. I regularly check myself to make sure that I am being genuine and open. I mostly do a good job, but every so often I realize that I am accidentally hiding behind a wall.

That strong sense of self-preservation is so instinctive. At 46 I am still learning how to navigate it. After all, there is often a nice shiny surprise waiting.

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This has been my week:

Church business
Gift wrapping
Dinner with old friends
Online shopping
A nosebleed
Christmas program with my special kiddos
Falling asleep on the couch
Happy emails from Mexico
Eating shrimp
Chapped lips
Absence from google reader
iPad envy

Busy, busy times, but I love the hustle and bustle. Seriously. And tomorrow I will be part of a flash mob, which I am pretty giddy about. Life is good, and will be even better once I read your blogs.


The coming.

And so we celebrate His coming every time we move that little magnetic gingerbread man around the circular calendar. But not just His initial coming in the form of a little cherub lying in a manger.

His coming regularly, into us. Our minds.
Our hearts.

digital me

Tonight I attended a student showcase for the digital civilization class my husband teaches in the honors department at BYU.  I was inspired and moved and so glad that I blog.  Even though this class was about studying historical parallels from the Renaissance to the present, through a digital lens, I found myself, over and over again, glad for my own experiences with blogging.  Sometimes education can be defined loosely, and in these past almost-three years I have earned a real degree in life, in friendship, in self-discovery, in empathy. 

The students presented digital projects in small groups, talking about everything from medical support groups, to online missionary work, to the power of blogging in the realm of learning and research.  I enjoy all areas of digital networking, from blogging here, to facebook to twitter.

**And as a side note, I just have to interject that I was utterly and completely attracted to my husband tonight, both as I watched him up front leading a passionate discussion about using media in the classroom, and later, as I had students approach me and call themselves "Burtonites".  Now, I don't share this for any other reason but to testify of how great it is so see him in his element, having an effect on minds, and getting these students completely charged up about ways they can contribute to communal learning.

Another thing I discovered this week, as I was indirectly involved in Geo's prep for this big evening, was www.justin.tv. Incredibly, you can broadcast live video straight to the web, using your smart phone.  I already have the app on my iPhone, and I am ready to give a broadcast a try soon.  My channel has been set up as www.justin.tv/kazzy11.  When I will be putting something up I will give notice here and see if I can get some live audience.  Things are archived, like at youtube, but with the possibility to see things live it opens a lot of cool doors for faraway family and friends.  A one-way facetime that will allow people to be part of what is going on here.  I am psyched about it.

It is a wonderful thing to be hooked in to a university and the buzz that goes on.  I left the event this evening glad to be alive in such exciting times, where I can make connections and express my self freely.  Thanks in advance for being part of my experience here.

visions of sugarplums

they stand up and say this poem with a twinkle in their eyes.  
and i say, "louder guys!"
I remind them that moms and dads will be listening.
we hang glittery ornaments from the ceiling.
we will have cookies and punch and handfuls of art projects to take home.
i will sing with them and smile at them.
and no promises on the tear ducts.
then it will be christmas.
and i will remember that not all of my gifts are under the tree.

"avoid the dog"

Once I got home from work yesterday afternoon and found that my husband had been so consumed in working on his digital civilization class that he had forgotten to put the chicken in the crock pot 4 hours earlier, we decided to run out with the kids for cousin Christmas shopping and then to dinner at the Mongolian BBQ joint down the road a couple of miles.  You get a big bowl and pile it up with thin slices of meats and loads of veggies and ginger, and then the guy who works there slaps it around on a big flat hot surface until it is cooked through and ready for consumption.  Oh, it tastes good.  But I digress.

 So, it turns out I am a dragon on the Chinese Zodiac calendar.  I found this out by listening to my #4 regretting the fact that I got to be a dragon while he was stuck with being a weak little tiger.  I learned a lot of things about myself reading that red and white paper place mat.  I am eccentric and complex.  I have a passionate nature and abundant health.  And in the romance department it looks like I should have married a monkey or rat late in life.  And then the final warning to avoid the dog. 

I wonder if the monkey or rat would have remembered to put the chicken in the crock pot.