melancholy and sugar

You kind of know it's coming, but it still seems to sneak in and take a bite out of your heart. The day when, after years and years of getting all the costumes ready and faces painted, you realize that you only need to work on two. One for you (because you work in an elementary school) and one for the last of your bundles of joy, because the remaining bundles are either on their own, in high school, or more into going to hang out with a friend because trick or treating is not really that cool anymore. I talked my husband, the bishop, into wearing some footie pjs I just got him this month for his birthday, but as much as I felt that need to paint a face or tuck in a shirt here or there, he could handle zipping up his glow-in-the dark (I kid you not) pjs just fine on his own, thank you very much.

So that left me and FG
, my handsome little ten year-old who, luckily, still needs me and appreciates my fussing over him. As G.O., FG and I got into the car and went over to the church for our annual "trunk or treat", after saying good-bye to the big brothers who had other plans, it felt so strange to think that we are down to this on Halloween.

When my first son, Perry, was little and we lived in LA we spent so much time together. He was (still is) incredibly affectionate. We really were inseperable. And now I find that after years of expanding the family, going through all of the crunch years, seeing our first kids graduate from high school, etc., that I am down to one again. I still have others at home, but there is one that cuddles with me after school and that calls on the intercom if I take too long to come downstairs to tuck him in. I am blessed that boy #1 and boy #4 have been similar in that way. The Lord must have known that I would need that kind of loving little boy at the start and at the end.

So as this melancholy night comes to a close I am glad for sugar. Not the kind that comes in cellophane wrappers, but the kind I enjoy when my son gives me a big kiss on the cheek and tells me he loves me.


LisAway | October 31, 2008 at 11:31 PM

Very sweet. :) How strange the life cycle of a family. That really is a blessing that you've got a cuddly one on the end.

Since ours are still so little I am dreading not having any tiny feet pattering around or explaining everything they see, "Dad da ga do do zoo zoo!" with a nod of the head.

If it's any comfort just about Halloween, we've got three that would LOVE to go trick-or-treating, but no way to do it here. I just hide candy all over the house and they take their bags and collect what they can find. Not quite the same. . .

Anonymous | November 1, 2008 at 6:25 AM

You started my morning with tears. :) As much as I love my kids at an older age (mine are not-quite-6 and 4), and as much as I love what independence they do have, I do dread the day when they decide they don't need me anymore.

I'm pregnant and already dreading it with this one! LOL

Heidi | November 1, 2008 at 9:28 AM

What a neat perspective. I only got one of those but thank goodness he was at the end. Meanwhile, my kids (13 & 18) still want to trick or treat! What's wrong with them!

Little GrumpyAngel | November 1, 2008 at 10:31 PM

Can I be honest? I'm jealousof you for:
1. still having 1 baby to cuddle and give you sugar kisses. my 16 year old baby just is not into that anymore.

2. you are gorgeous! and you have grown kids?

OK now that I've confessed my jealousy I'm glad we're blog friends :-)

Luann | November 2, 2008 at 7:00 AM

Aw Kazz. I don't look forward to getting to the point where I have to say goodbye to these fun childhood traditions. If you get to missing it too much, you are always welcome to come over and help me get my baby girls ready for Halloween. :)

FG is such a sweet kid, I feel truly blessed to have him around. But then, all your kids are awesome!

Heather of the EO | November 2, 2008 at 1:11 PM

ugh...I'm sorry. It's just rough to adjust to the seasons of parenting (not that I'm an expert with my one and three year old).

I think about how it will go all too fast probably a little too often.

I'm so glad your smallest is so cuddly and in love with you. The picture of the two of you totally melted my heart. I love it.

Dots | November 2, 2008 at 6:21 PM

Nice, touching post...