day 156: mighty and loud

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 That panicky feeling when I call home at 6 pm to check in with boys 3 and 4 and #3 says he hasn't seen his brother all afternoon.  He isn't at the first house we try.  Not at the second.  Finally found at the third, he is summoned home and then later asked to sit down and listen to, what I call, a "mini-lecture" about being home by 5.  Doing homework and cello and even some whooping of the bad guys on our nice TV.

I tell myself, Only seven more months until I am home at 3:30 everyday.  But the guilt of this 12-month program and its evil evening classes sinks in and I have to give myself a mini-lecture.  This is temporary.  Family is always first.  Give yourself a break.

The wind is whipping through the windows in my house that are still of the 68-year old variety.  They rattle and whistle and seem to yell at me as I sit in my bed avoiding homework and budgets and anything that should feel necessary.  I spent the evening with my husband and two oldest sons worshiping the wind-maker.  The One who created this world that throws us sometimes.  The One that knows our own storms that blow inside our heads and hearts.  The One that listens as I do my own churning and knocking things over.  And I find myself glad that most times it takes roughness to notice smoothness.  And a good storm can clean the air.


Connie | January 21, 2010 at 11:01 PM

Beautiful metaphor. You have a sense of family by doing this 12 month marathon! Your family will not only learn to appreciate you and all you do for them but they'll be stronger.

Imagine how clean the air will be at completion!

Midge | January 22, 2010 at 8:46 AM

If you don't get blown over, you realize how strong you are. Lovely.

Kimberly Vanderhorst | January 22, 2010 at 10:11 AM

So, so well said.

Marianne | January 22, 2010 at 10:37 AM

Never thought of things that way before. How the storms can clear the air. I mean, it's obvious with the weather, but not with my life! But it's true. Thanks for reminding me!

You're so AWESOME!!!

charrette | January 22, 2010 at 1:41 PM

1. See how you feel about the kid who doesn't come home on time after watching The Lovely Bones. Yikes! I threw two fits over wandering kids this week.

2. The evening schedule is a necessary evil. I had to teach till 5 last semester, and thank heaven there was an end to it. I need to be home at 3. (I'll tell you a scary story if you call me.)

3. I wrote about that exact same whipping, shrieking wind...with a completely different conclusion.

Lara Neves | January 22, 2010 at 10:54 PM

I think you are such a wonderful example of keeping your priorities firmly in place, despite the wind. This is something I feel I struggle with, and I want to be like you when I grow up. And I hope I grow up next week. :)

Dedee | January 23, 2010 at 5:40 PM

I love storms. And I love the clear air when I'm done.