Why is it that I get all mushy and nostalgic during the holidays?

Yesterday evening I sang in a concert where a little nine-year old brunette played a snare drum while we sang of princes and fifes.  The least emotional of our 20-piece program, yet I could hardly get the words out because I thought of my own little drummer boys and how they are turning into men.

my son, Perry

And when Sister Cutler handed me a list of songs and asked if my husband could play them for the ward Christmas party next weekend it hit me again.  There on the list was "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem" I went back 20 years in my mind to when my first-born would sing this song.  Each line went up in pitch until his neck was stretched out and his voice cracked and his dad and I would smile and ask him to do it again.

I am home today, taking a sick day.  I will be blowing my nose and napping after I write to my missionary son.  And as I walk back and forth past my Christmas tree I will see the handmade ornaments and the glittery stars cut out with six-year old hands and I may get a little misty.

Though we celebrate the birth and life of the baby Jesus on this holiday season, I find myself thinking of my own baby boys.  Swaddled in my arms, with their own futures to face.  And I love Him, and them, even more.


UTMomof5 | December 12, 2011 at 9:37 AM

Your post brought tears to my eyes. It is a good reminder to me to really savor this time with my three little boys, because they will be men all too soon for me.

UTMomof5 | December 12, 2011 at 9:41 AM

BTW, I hope you feel better soon!

Barbaloot | December 12, 2011 at 10:06 AM

I get mushy at Christmas, too. Usually when I see or do things that remind me of when I was little.

Merry Christmas!

Stacy | December 12, 2011 at 10:12 AM

We did "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem"in primary yesterday, and I was crying like a baby during the third verse. Everyone in primary was looking at me wondering why I stopped singing, and I was wondering when I turned into such a mush.

Sorry you're feeling sick.

Kimberly Vanderhorst | December 12, 2011 at 10:24 AM

This is so beautiful, so poignant. How lucky those sons of yours are, not just to have you as a mother, but to have you recording these moments the way you do.

Feeling heart-full and smiling over your words . . .

lesa | December 12, 2011 at 12:27 PM

I feel the same things about my boys. I enjoyed reading your post today.

Feel better soon.

Momza | December 12, 2011 at 2:57 PM

Just yesterday in Primary, as we were singing christmas songs, I turned to a sweet girl next to me and said, "I hope we "When Joseph Went To Bethelem:" today because it makes me cry. Always. And we didn't sing it. Just thinking about the words does that to me. And now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll head down to the piano.

Anonymous | December 12, 2011 at 4:45 PM

That is an awesome picture! Seriously. You caught it at just the right moment.

I'm sorry about feeling sick. =[ I hope you feel better soon!

I love that you think of your "babes in swaddling" when you think of Christmas. And you're right. When I think of my own little babes, I think of Him and feel so grateful that He's blessed me with so much.

CB | December 12, 2011 at 9:56 PM

I think you hit it right on the head. When we think of our own children we think of Him. Beautiful!
I wish I could hear you and your husband and the music - I know I would get teary.
When the Primary kids sing "When Joseph Went To Bethlehem" it gets me every time!

Welcome to the Garden of Egan | December 12, 2011 at 11:22 PM

That is beautiful.
I must say that the Little Drummer Boy has had me in tears a time or two.
I love Christmas music and wish we could sing it all year long.
I never get tired of it.

Ann Marie | December 13, 2011 at 10:53 AM

I love that you really have a "Drummer boy". As I have a tween now... changes are happening.. and I am not ready or prepared. I never thought I would wish for my kids to stay young.. but I'm already feeling it.

Hope you feel better soon lady!

Len Lambert | December 13, 2011 at 11:39 AM

I think it's because Christmas means family and togetherness, Kazzy. I'm sorry your son is away from you.

I love the title of your post. My favourite Christmas song of ALL is The Little Drummer Boy. :))

Marianne | December 13, 2011 at 12:44 PM

Oh great. Now I'm crying at work.

Sorry you're sick--I hope you feel better very soon!!

Becca | December 13, 2011 at 7:58 PM

Completely precious and perfect tribute to both Christmas and your boys. Love. Love.

Connie | December 14, 2011 at 7:18 AM

Great picture of Perry on the drums. I"m sorry I missed your concert. We had a family Christmas party that night.
You have a way with words that paint a heartfelt picture.
Love ya!

Unknown | December 16, 2011 at 11:43 PM

I love it when you talk about your family. Or your job. Or music. Or taking a sick day and blogging and stuff. I think I just love you. Yeah. That sounds right.

Grumpy Grateful Mom | December 22, 2011 at 10:51 PM

I appreciated this Kazzy. You have a beautiful way of looking at things. Hoping you're feeling better and have a wonderful Christmas.

Honey I'm Home Blog | December 23, 2011 at 11:19 PM

Merry Christmas, Kazzy. Enjoy that phone call with your missionary!

Warmly, Michelle