cinching things up


Sometimes, most times, it takes two to figure things out. We bounce ideas off of each other. We check in with each other to make sure our most extreme selves are put into check. We balance and balance again.

When I came home on Tuesday there were books on my porch from a good friend. A couple of children's books and a book for me. Beautiful verse. Beautiful imagery. Beautiful moment. I came into my room and cried. A little at first, and then a whole bunch. It felt so good. That was one of my recent moments.

A couple of times since, Geo has had his moments. See, we believe in the promise of Easter, but we are still a little sad because we will have a bit of a wait until we see our little Olive again. But we figure things out together.

We talk without words more often lately. We know what the other person is thinking. We know we can't always solve things. We also know that we are being helpful when we just hold hands or maybe sigh together as we sit on the couch in the quiet evening.

Eternity seems like something you will think about tomorrow until you are forced to think about it today. I hash it out in prayer and in conversation and in unspoken ways, and then I cinch it all up by immersing myself in what matters most.

Still working on it.

Still working at it.



Stacy | April 8, 2012 at 10:23 PM

So glad that you are finding support. Your husband sounds like such amazing fit for you. I love that you're being taken care of.

Kazzy | April 8, 2012 at 10:29 PM

Yes, he fits me well. Thanks, Stacy.

Welcome to the Garden of Egan | April 8, 2012 at 10:33 PM

It sounds like it is well.
Tears are good. You've been in my prayers and heart.

lesa | April 8, 2012 at 10:40 PM

Beautiful words and thoughts.

Kazzy | April 8, 2012 at 10:45 PM

Thanks, Tauna. I feel your prayers. Really. We're working through the feelings. They linger.

Marianne | April 9, 2012 at 12:02 AM

Oh Karen. My heart aches for you, but I am so proud of how smart you are being about working through and working at what you have to go through. And I am so glad you have the support and love of a wonderful man. You're a lucky girl. He's a lucky fella.

Hugs hugs hugs.

Mormon Women: Who We Are | April 9, 2012 at 12:05 AM

I love your writing, Karen. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

Becca | April 9, 2012 at 6:47 AM

It is an interesting shift, isn't it, that move from thinking about eternity occasionally to pondering eternity every day? It can make a person a little dizzy. But I'm so glad you have your G to ground you.
(And me, you have me.)

Barbaloot | April 9, 2012 at 7:58 AM

I thought of you yesterday when we had out Easter lesson in RS and someone read the line, "eternity is real life." Doesn't make the waiting any easier, but at least you will get to be with Olive in "real life." :)

mermaid gallery | April 9, 2012 at 8:22 AM

My deepest sympathy....words can never convey the grief and tears that the heart feels. The love of your family and community will always be there. Lean into glad your husband is such a wise and caring man. Your son sounds a lot like both of you......and in that, you are truly blessed....

Bossy Betty | April 9, 2012 at 8:52 AM

Just catching up. So very sorry for your loss. I admire you for our faith and your honesty in working out complex emotions. Thinking of you and your family.

Kazzy | April 9, 2012 at 8:54 AM

Do I have great friends, or what?

Barb, we had that same eternity lesson, and I did keep thinking "eternity is right now." I have been jolted into that way of thinking after a number of complacent years. Shame on me.

Joanie | April 9, 2012 at 11:02 AM

I am glad that you and Gid have each other to lean on.
I like your photo enhancing for your pictures.

wendy | April 9, 2012 at 11:26 AM

You just have such a great way of "putting things"
I love how you write.
I loved the picture of you and Geo at the bottom...
It is funny how our perspectives change when we ARE forced to think of somethings
like Eternity...we (or maybe I am just speaking for myself here) take it for granted. We know it's there.
BUT...when you loose someone, ETERNITY is on our minds all the time.
or how we are sometiimes forced to think about
any big change that comes into our lives
Experiences I guess can certainly become our great teachers.
(and I still cry a lot too)

Anonymous | April 9, 2012 at 12:35 PM

I had this thought about eternity recently. I've had to accept that it's something I'll never get my head around in this life.

You have a way of bringing me close, making it all make sense, and leaving me with this light feeling that is both profound and joyous. You're often in my heart and head. Your name is spoken on mine and on God's lips.

Sending you much love.

Ann Marie | April 9, 2012 at 3:28 PM

I saw the sweet pictures on your slideshow/sidebar.. and they are just so tender..

Then.. I read your tender post too.

My heart aches for you.
Continued thoughts and prayers.

Mindizzle | April 9, 2012 at 6:00 PM

I am waiting for Perry to have his momments :) I am the waterfall. Especially when I sit in silence.

Valerie | April 9, 2012 at 7:36 PM

Glad you have wonderful friends and the beautiful blessing of an amazing husband for now and all eternity, to support you and to need your support. Continued prayers!

Anonymous | April 9, 2012 at 7:40 PM

That's cool. Glad for you to have one another.

Connie | April 9, 2012 at 10:31 PM

Perspectives change. Heaven really does seem closer. Tears help to wash away the pain - temporarily. Love your pictures.

Unknown | April 9, 2012 at 11:56 PM

Just wanted you to know I was here, and I loved every word. I get it. I really, really do.

LisAway | April 10, 2012 at 5:59 AM

Lovely. I'm glad you have someone so good to take turns crying with and to sigh on the couch with.

Melanie Jacobson | April 10, 2012 at 7:54 PM

That's a beautiful thing. You're a beautiful person.

Roland D. Yeomans | April 11, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Stacy is right. Your husband seems a good partner and healing one as well. I pray that your days get increasingly better until this crisis is only a memory of how you grew stronger and better because of it. Roland

Rachel Cotterill | April 16, 2012 at 5:12 AM

I know it's a frivolous response to a serious post - but I love your dress! And sometimes I think being frivolous is a good way to immerse oneself in life here and now... so it's not *totally* irrelevant either :)