on loan

My parents will come into town tomorrow evening from Virginia to be here for my son's high school graduation. We will first have a pleasant Memorial Day with members of my husband's family. We'll visit some graves from grandparents and great-grandparents, and even some great-greats that came over these beautiful Rocky Mountains one-hundred and sixty years ago to settle this state. We will stay up playing board games and laughing. It will be just what the doctor ordered.

And then Thursday evening will come and I will witness another milestone for one of my children. "Milestone" is starting to mean another-sign-that-he-is-growing-up-and-will-soon-be-on-his-own. Such mixed feelings. Proud feelings with a few tablespoons of anticipated loneliness thrown in for good measure. I suppose this is the way it is supposed to be. We get our children on loan and have such a limited amount of time to be an influence.

Please let me have done enough.
Please let him remember to be happy. Let him find a good path.

So now boy #2 is about to unfold his paper-thin wings and cut his way out of our chrysalis. And I do my best to choke down flashes of my little man whose soft ruddy cheeks have been replaced with red-whiskered ones.

Dear God, thank you for teaching me about love by sending me little boys to take care of.


val of the south | May 24, 2009 at 5:36 AM

It happens so fast, doesn't it? My 15 year old was talking about his mission...and I said no, no, no can't think about that yet, la la la I'm not listening...as I buried my head in the sand. I'm not ready.

Have a lovely time with your family and congrats to your son!

Midge | May 24, 2009 at 11:32 AM

Beautifully written.

Congrats to A!

wendy | May 24, 2009 at 5:27 PM

OH, that brought a tear to my eye. time passes to quickly --and they are just on loan actually aren't they. enjoy these next few FUN filled days

Connie | May 24, 2009 at 7:53 PM

You're the queen of great thoughts! I love it! I don't think you need to worry about whether or not you taught him right. You're an awesome mom to all your boys!
I hope you enjoy your parents and enjoy this next week as you try to juggle work, family, school and graduation! Keep smiling!

Barbaloot | May 25, 2009 at 12:30 AM

Congrats on the graduation---what a big step! Hope you have fun with all the family.

CHERRANNE | May 25, 2009 at 2:02 AM

*Sniffle* Adam is an awesome kid. :-) He will always be Your guy, Kaz, even though time takes us all in our chosen directions. You have been the most stellar parent!
I am getting SO excited about the trip, Kaz! :-D

Heidi | May 25, 2009 at 2:20 PM

It's just not fair, is it?

Kimberly Vanderhorst | May 25, 2009 at 2:50 PM

What beautiful thoughts - thank you for sharing them.

Linde | May 26, 2009 at 10:47 AM

Even though Jacob is only 1 I get what you mean. You really hope you have done enough and you try to "cram" in everything you can and want to make sure they learn it. :)

Have fun with your family.

Did your parents or other members of your family ever join the church?

Little GrumpyAngel | May 26, 2009 at 10:53 PM

I love this post. My daughter just got her own apartment to "practice" being on her own when she goes to a University far away next year. Her new place is only a mile from home and she comes home often for supplies (food mostly) yet I often feel little stabs in my heart. You articulated beautifully many of my own thoughts and feellings. *sigh--

April | May 26, 2009 at 11:06 PM

It DOES happen so fast. Cause it was just last year that we were at the Riv! Wasn't it?

Luann | May 27, 2009 at 9:44 AM

Your chrysalis metaphor is wonderful. Your second is about to launch, and right around the corner your first will be coming home and then probably setting right back out again. Your life is rich and as your friend it is inspiring to watch you recognize the joy and blessings in it all.

charrette | May 28, 2009 at 1:02 AM


Isn't it scary how brief a time we have to influence these young lives?

Enjoy having your folks here...and give them my love!

Heather | May 28, 2009 at 5:44 AM

I was having the same kind of thought while contemplating my oldest daughter's baptism Saturday, that she is not really ours, and that our most important job right now is making sure we do all the right things with all of our kids while we still can.

Anonymous | May 28, 2009 at 8:51 PM

You're so great!