school of love

This post is not, in any way, meant to be full of bragging or boasting, but I am one of the lucky few who has a husband that adores me. I can admit it with my head held high, not in pride, but in security. And although I have a stack of love letters (sorry, but it's true) to prove it, the real proof has come nice and spread out over 22 years of feeling cherished and respected.

I wanted to post this today because I talked to a close friend this afternoon who was recently informed by her husband that things are at a dead end for him, as far as his interest in their marriage. This friend of mine, who is loving and kind and deserves gobs of affection, is going to have to rethink her future from today on out. New eyes. New expectations (which is sometimes a good thing).

I have had marriage on the brain during this past week as I was reunited with my husband after being gone for eleven days on a girls-only road trip. Also, there was a little marrieds' seminar held in our congregation concerning intimacy in marriage this past Sunday. Mostly young couples attended, but because Geo is the bishop we also attended as a kind of "we're a lot older than you so we may have some insight" kind of couple. We sat in the back and giggled a bit, almost like the back-row type, as we heard some of the complaints from these younger couples. We weren't the only ones laughing, by the way. It was a, well, intimate discussion full of some innocent questions and advice being flung around like rice at a wedding. And when we left that night I ended up realizing how much I value my spouse. We have our little roadblocks here and there, but the fundamental things are in place.

And to my friend I say, "Hold your head up high. You are worthy of being loved and cherished." Relationships might end, but the other person only takes away the parts of you that you allow him/her to take.


MakingChanges | June 16, 2009 at 2:40 PM

That breaks my heart. I just don't get that. I have had a few close friends who have been told "I have wasted x-amount of years on you, I don't want to waste anymore." OUCH! I didn't know working on a marriage was a waste of time. Love to your friend and my prayers that all will work out the best for her!

I love going to those classes. No, granted, Hubby and I have only been married for 10 years, but there have been a lot of newlyweds move into our neighborhood and there have been some funny/interesting conversations. I am sure that you were able to give some sage wisdom to those younger couples!

minna | June 16, 2009 at 3:13 PM

as always your writings leave me awestruck. your thoughtfulness (as in full of thought) and your insights always leave me amazed as in some ways you are still that teenager i knew so long ago.

i think you and your siblings and my children are lucky because they have parents who have made it through the long journey of raising big families, having little or no money, worrying about everything and have come out on the other side still liking the person we are with after all these years. this year will be 36 for larry and i and i know your parents is even longer. loveyou

Kamee | June 16, 2009 at 3:48 PM

Karen, this is an awesome post! Worded perfectly..I have had marriage on mind this week as we are getting ready to celebrate our 10th anniversary. I am also so thankful for a wonderful husband who adores and loves me unconditionally! Love the last paragraph, great words of advice for your friend, I hope she takes it:). Thanks for the great post!

Linde | June 16, 2009 at 3:51 PM

I feel for your friend. I have a friend who has been married for 24 years and her husband has been in and out of the marriage.

I know what you mean about feeling secure in your marriage. It is a GREAT feeling!

Melinda | June 16, 2009 at 7:36 PM

I love this, you write so incredibly. I feel for your friend, what a life changing time for her (and probably terrifying). I hope her the best!

Connie | June 16, 2009 at 8:20 PM

Well said. I too feel for your friend and wish her the best! She certainly deserves it!

That Girl | June 16, 2009 at 8:24 PM

Thank you.

We need to hear more success stories - there are too many heartbreaking ones out there.

Midge | June 16, 2009 at 9:01 PM

I too am grateful for a good husband. A post like this helps me remember it.

Mrs4444 | June 16, 2009 at 10:53 PM

That would really be horrible. I hope I never have to hear that, seriously. You just never know for certain, I guess, but I do feel very fortunate to have a loving, supportive relationship with Mr.4444. I'll say prayers for your friend.

Melanie Jacobson | June 17, 2009 at 12:44 AM

I'm sorry for your friend.

Like you, I'm lucky in love.

Well, actually, I guess it's not luck. It's dang hard work and much, much joy and fun. I am so sad for people who don't find that. It took me years, but it was worth it.

charrette | June 17, 2009 at 1:22 AM

There is almost nothing in this world better than being adored by your husband. (With tangible proof, no less.) Sounds like you guys had a sweet reunion.You are luckier than you know.

Our friend (also a bishop at the time) suffered an untimely death, and I'll always remember his wife saying "We have no regrets in our relationship." That is HUGE.

heather | June 17, 2009 at 4:45 PM

My heart to your friend.

Jessica Stock | June 17, 2009 at 7:37 PM

This is so encouraging. Sad how rare it is to find couples still in love after years together. The story of your marriage is lovely . . . what a treasure.

Anonymous | June 17, 2009 at 10:24 PM

My heart goes out to your friend. I've had some friends in the same situation ... some who've only been married a short time. Crazy.
You're lucky to have a wonderful hubby! Thanks for sharing!

Dedee | June 19, 2009 at 8:04 AM

I'll say a prayer for your friend.

And I'll pray that the relationship that I currently have with my husband stays as wonderful as it is. A relationship that truly works is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

Anonymous | June 20, 2009 at 12:01 AM

I am getting ready to celebrate 19 years with my hubby. Feel blessed that we have a good relationship.

Feel for your friend.