oh bossy, bossy me

I was told last night that I sometimes instill fear in my house. That I am kind of crabby, and yes, even bossy. "Only sometimes" was thrown in to soften the blow. I have thought about that a lot today as I have attended to all of my responsibilities.

I am a stake Young Women president (having a meeting here in half an hour).
I am a teacher over 20 students and 2 full-time technicians.
I am a mother.
I am a student at BYU (3 more months until I finish my licensure for Special Ed).

I do think I get into let's-move-it-soldier mode more often than I plan to. It seems like my commission right now is to make sure things are getting done. Everywhere I go. Quickly. Throw in a little regular buzz of hunger that lies underneath and you have the makings for a dictator extraordinaire.

The vindictive side of me wants to call in sick to every single obligation and see how things pan out. Horrible, huh?

Then the better side of me thinks it over and decides to make some real attempts to lighten up.

I am a real conundrum.

I am a big baby in so many ways. Huge tears soaked my dress in church on Sunday when a boy with Down Syndrome blessed the sacrament. I get hurt feelings. I choke up over emotional things. I cry pretty regularly and easily.

I am tough in other ways. I can make important decisions. I can say no better than I used to be able to. I can be blunt when called for. I can hold my own.

The balance. The balance.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Kristina P. | January 4, 2011 at 4:47 PM

Man, I can relate. When you care about your job, you get a lot of crap put on your shoulders. I want to just not do any of it and see what happens, but I just can't do it.

Brianne | January 4, 2011 at 4:47 PM

I really struggle with that. My husband is a softie, and it was really pointed out to me over the holidays how much I abuse that gift. It's a real struggle indeed. To be nice, or to get things done?

Momza | January 4, 2011 at 5:22 PM

Recently, I was asked if I wanted to have more responsibility at work.
I said, "No, thanks. I'm in Charge at Home. I don't need to be in charge of anything else."
And I meant that. I know myself, and my SELF needs down time, to not be in charge. I'm a really good team player and I like that role alot. It suits my priorities to settle back and just do my part in other aspects outside of the family. That's how I find my balance. You'll be fine.

CB | January 4, 2011 at 5:22 PM

Kazzy I have to admit that I fall into the category of "drill sargeant" too. However I think it is a really good thing. I mean, when you have alot on your plate people count on you and so you have to be able to make sure things...move! You have to move your family, you have to move those young women and their leaders, you have to move your students. There is purpose there!
Furthermore I have found that even if those who love me call me bossy that they actually rely on it - ha ha. I love that!
It doesn't make you any less emotional or any less of a woman I just think it makes you a stronger person!

wendy | January 4, 2011 at 6:12 PM

Oh your not bossy....just taking the bull by the horns, and some "bulls" don't like getting throwed (that's country talk)

You have a full plate so I can see how you'd panic a little with the anxiety of get'er done (that's red neck talk)

I cry EASILY too.....I sometimes wish I could close the tear gates and seem more composed and in control.

so I salute you ...cause that's what you do to dictators --HA HA HA (that there's silly talk)

Kazzy | January 4, 2011 at 6:19 PM

I am feeling a real sisterhood here. Thanks, everyone. And I will take that salute, Wendy!

lesa | January 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM

I can totally relate to this.

Heidi | January 4, 2011 at 7:27 PM

Really, I don't know how you do it all. Michael's middle school special ed teacher told me that when she gets home, she is totally impatient and cranky with her own kids. I know that Roy has had trouble being patient with his students and then being patient with his kids at home, too. It's really just too much to ask from someone who is not a machine. Meanwhile, you are fabulous. Things will lighten up and then you will find that your capacity has increased. And then the next thing will come along. Such is life.

Jenny P. | January 4, 2011 at 8:26 PM

I am absolutely the big bad wolf at my house. Sometimes I feel like all I do is harp and harp and complain and boss and nag... I do have to remind myself to ease up sometimes. But if I ease up, I feel like SO much will slip through the cracks. Who knows though. Maybe some stuff should slip through the cracks.

Welcome to the Garden of Egan | January 4, 2011 at 9:10 PM

It sounds like you are just right!

Sometimes "now" means NOW!
And wow you have a ton on your plate.

Welcome to the Garden of Egan | January 4, 2011 at 9:11 PM


If you want to get something done....you ask a busy person to do it.

Think about that one!

Melanie Jacobson | January 4, 2011 at 11:07 PM

This sounds just like me. Sometimes I'm so tempted to check out on my oldest on anything school related for a week just so he can see what happens when I DON'T get on his case.

amber_mtmc | January 4, 2011 at 11:28 PM

I, too, am the boss and it can be lonely. Especially when, like you, I think about how much wouldn't get done if I weren't around to keep everyone on tasks.

Then I remind myself that sometimes things don't have to get done in the order I presume they do. It's hard to let go of certain pressures, but I'm learning. Little by little.

* | January 5, 2011 at 12:18 AM

Holy cow, you are all of those things? I think the only think missing from your pic is a crown, you are a goddess/queen! I'd be lucky/grateful to handle just one of those things, much less all of them! And you still blog!!!

LisAway | January 5, 2011 at 1:54 AM

I feel just like BriannEm. To be nice or to get things done? Seriously, that is what it comes down to for me very often. And I also get crabby (we all do, I'm sure, but I do more than I'd like to) but it's usually because I try being nice and that doesn't work and so I get "bossy" and sometimes even that doesn't work. Then I just get in a bad mood. Ugh.

It sounds like you DO have a good balance between tough and soft. Nobody can be middle of the road all the time. That just doesn't work.

Barbaloot | January 5, 2011 at 8:56 AM

Bossy isn't a bad thing if you're getting good things accomplished. Someone's gotta be the voice driving things, right?

Shelle-BlokThoughts | January 5, 2011 at 10:09 AM

I think that as MOM's we have to instill that for a bit of respect. Sure we all may need to loosen up a bit, but we also are responsible for making our children and families productive.

So... cut ya some slack ey?

Kimberly Vanderhorst | January 5, 2011 at 11:13 AM

So eerie reading this, as I've been contemplating that exact balance in my own life. I think the thing about balance, is that we can't manage it without Grace.

Stacy | January 5, 2011 at 12:29 PM

This post, and the sisterhood of comments after, made me cry. I'm in that kind of mood today, though, so there ya go.

I am the drill sargeant much too often as well. And then I resent my husband for getting to come home and be the fun parent. I need to learn how to be the fun parent.

And how I hate the phrase "lighten up!" I yelled at my poor husband the other day when he told me that. Just like everyone else here, I think that if I let one thing go, everything else is going to come tumbling down like a house of cards.

Unknown | January 5, 2011 at 1:19 PM

You just described me. minus the "sometimes" part.

Robin | January 6, 2011 at 1:54 AM

Bossy goes with being a mother. Whoever said it will regret those words one day.

Now, if you take the time to play a little more because of it, I'd say it was worth a moment of hurt. You could use a little more play.

CiCi | January 7, 2011 at 12:47 PM

Well gadfry, are you thinking you are supposed to have no feelings, just be there to wipe up other peoples messes and make sure everyone is okay? No. You matter and your feelings are important and it is a good thing to have feelings and sometimes be emotional.

Lanie | January 7, 2011 at 4:59 PM

Was I a bossy Mom...(if the answer is no) how quickly they forget..Love you...

The Crash Test Dummy | January 7, 2011 at 9:54 PM

Oh girl, you are one busy chica. I had no idea you were juggling so much. You forgot to add that you're a singer. ;) Every Monday.

The balance is so darn hard to find. You are right. But you can take comfort in the fact that you take the most adorable profile pics. Every single one. As we are reading about how crabby you are as a dictator, we look over at that darling photo and think "NAH!"